Most of my friends have children that are babies, toddlers, or elementary school age. There are a few that have high schoolers, but it seems that they are newbies at the whole teenager thing. They have not had the experience yet of the next step of children: becoming teenagers. This has proved to be a difficult thing for me, in that I have had to do most of my learning and commiserating with women who have no idea what I am talking about. The few friends that actually do have teenagers about the same age as mine, don’t really understand the joys of parenting said teens on a more than tight budget.
My family consists of 4 children; 3 boys, 1 girl. All the boys have long since moved out on their own, to raise families, start careers, or become members of (no particular) branch of the military, (another part of the “firsts” for my circle of friends). The only child left, is my (almost) 16 year old daughter. In one respect, I’m very grateful my boys were first, and all that’s left is the girl. (I never really knew or understood just how much energy and effort it takes to raise girls. By comparison, my boys were easier. Sure, they had their own set of issues, but nothing compared to the girl).
So, backing up for a moment, when I had all four of them living at home, expenses were tight. Real tight. I had to really utilize a budget plan, and make things work with very little money. Dinners were made usually from scratch, because it was slightly cheaper (and healthier), than buying all sorts of pre-made junky stuff. (Not that we didn’t eat our fair share of of mac and cheese and hot dogs, top ramen, or pancakes, mind you). We relied on food banks, and help from others. Christmases were generally provided by charities, families, and so on. I afforded only a small amount of cheap presents, while the “good stuff” came from others. (talk about feeling bad about a situation). Still, we made the most of it. We had our traditions, (Christmas story readings, Christmas eve mass, pumpkin patches, egg hunts, etc., anything that cost very little or nothing at all). There was no child support. Of course, I did go out to the bar, but I rarely drank, instead had my drink of choice: cherry coke, with 5 (yes 5), cherries in them. (or, someone would buy me a drink). I nursed the hell out of it. I just needed the time be out of the house and be an adult, not just a “Mom”.
There was not extra income; I could only really make time for 1 job while raising a family. Like I said, I had no choice but to buckle down, just to live paycheck to paycheck. And that’s what I did. I managed my money, to the best of my ability, making sure the bills were mostly paid on time, and we kept a roof over our head (for as long as possible). At one point, we lost our home, But that is a story for another day.
Since the boys moved out, (the last one moved out in June of this year), it’s been interesting to say the least, on trying to figure out how to adhere to a budget. While I have a little more breathing room, I am still scraping by. Not really sure how to fix this, or why I’m still scraping. Then it dawned on me. I have a teenage girl.
I really took a look at this, and how we are spending money. More than half the time, we eat out. I will “splurge” and by things she wants, on a whim. The biggest expense as of late? Homecoming. After I tallied up everything I paid for (excluding the dress and shoes, someone else bought the dress, and the shoes were from last year’s outfit). I still ended up spending over $500.00. (Dinner, nails, makeup, ticket, accessories, etc.). This really bothered me, a lot. How the hell could I manage to spend that much money, on ONE function? I had it planned out; I needed to save money too, because her birthday is less than a month away, then the holidays are back to back, and then, I’m throwing my youngest a going-away party as he heads off to basic. So much for saving money.
As the winter months come rolling in, and all these expenses pile up, I’m sort of at a loss. My brain hurts from trying to figure out how to spend less, while teaching my daughter about money all at the same time. She gets it, (sort of), but still expects me to go full out for these events. (Unfortunately, she got an early glimpse of being spoiled early on, because being the only girl, she sort of became “token” and was showered with gifts and things early. My boys did not have that luxury. It was definitely not an all encompassed way of life for them, and it was very frustrating for me, to say the least, because now I have the monster that has been created, and I’m dealing with how to correct this before she gets out there in the real world).
Basically it boils down to this: I need to find a way to make more money, or learn to save it better (where did that discipline go??), and teach my darling daughter, that if you want nice things, you have to earn them, and not just expect them to fall into your lap. I’ve tried the allowance thing, but that doesn’t work too well, because she spends the majority of her time with her friends. (her thing is, “well I don’t make all these dishes, why should I have to wash them? I don’t make all this trash, why should I have to empty it? While I kinda get where she’s coming from with that, it’s frustrating because I don’t have a better come-back than, “Because I said so!”
I hope as these next few months play out, that I can figure out a way to manage my finances better, and make all these events happen, with minimal spending. I subscribe to various newsletters that help explain these sorts of things, but it’s all about being held accountable for it. I have no one to do that for me, except myself, and like most people, I fall into a pattern of sheer laziness, simply because it’s easier than actually being disciplined and focused. (Come one, admit it. You know you do too).
Any ideas on how to make that happen? Any ideas on how to hold myself accountable, without giving in to the slothiness of instant gratification?
A Minute with Mama 