In just under a week, I will be part of the masses that will return to “business as usual” by working in the office again, but it won’t be just business as usual. Things have changed and those changes are here to stay.
Am I nervous? You bet your ass.
I absolutely adore working from home; I feel secure in my fortress of solitude. I can control my environment and those around me; I can’t do that in a public setting. I have everything I need: privacy, safety, a fridge full of food, lack of disruption and noise. I won’t get that in the office.
I can’t even begin to say just how grateful and thankful I am to have had such an opportunity, and if presented with another, I won’t hesitate to act on it; whether with this company or another. It has really eliminated my stress levels to a near-minimum, even with stringent deadlines to meet. I’m able to break down emotionally when I need to, nap when I need a rest, and my house has never been cleaner too. (I’ve really found a great rhythm in getting the dishwasher unloaded/loaded, or getting a load of laundry or getting the bathroom cleaned up within my break/lunch periods, and it has been so fantastic!)
As it stands, we aren’t required to wear a mask all day, which is good and bad, but I’m nervous about the repercussions of that action. But here’s the kicker. We have to wipe down everything we touch, but not wear a mask? I’m so conflicted.
We can’t control the actions of others, and we have no way of knowing whether or not they are answering our covid protocol questions 100% truthfully. (I’m not saying everyone will lie about their answers, but all it takes is for one person to fib and spread the virus and this is what does not sit well with me at all). We don’t know if they are sanitized properly, unless we watch them when they come in and they do it in front of us, we just don’t know. And with the internal staff, there’s no way of knowing where they are laxing on the practices, since some of them are behind closed doors. I however, live in cube farm hell, so there is more chance of contact with anyone who hasn’t been “washed” properly. There are too many variables that make this whole thing seem very unreal.
I saw a post on FB the other day that said, “We are drowning in a world of information, but starving for wisdom”, or something to that effect. That resonated with me, especially in these times, where there is so much information, good, bad, true, and made-up, that it’s a challenge to differentiate what’s what. This is a big part of my anxiety. I have done everything I can to limit my exposure to all of the so-called facts that are being thrown around, but there is still some that gets through, no matter how hard I try to prevent it.
Depression has played a major factor in all of this, and I have been on the struggle bus lately keeping it in check. Anxiety sets in as I count down the final days of my at-home work life.
Yes, I am reminded that things could be so much worse like not having a job at all, not getting unemployment when I needed it, and not knowing what is happening from one moment to the next. Like I said earlier, I am extremely grateful to be afforded these opportunities, and I probably shouldn’t “kvetch” about it, because truth be told, I have a lot of what many don’t. While things seem fine for the moment now, an email went out today that had some potential tell-tale signs of “this is just the beginning of the storm”, and this has me even more on edge.
Bottom line is this: I’m thankful for what I have, I’m not looking forward to yet another change, but I’ll just continue to roll with the punches as they come. I’m usually pretty good with change, but covid is making it difficult. Still, I’ll do my best and that’s all I can offer.
What about you? How are you handling change these days?
Until next time, darlings.
~Mama
A Minute with Mama 